Incidentally, cutting the tip off a permanent marker greatly improves its performance. True facts.
I realize now that I can easily get my energy back after evocations. However, I need to work on keeping it up during the process. Perhaps like a muscle the fatigue will give way to strength later. I will certainly find out, because the work will continue. I will work around the yawning for the time being.
I dreamed of squares last night, drawing them. The dream had more to it, characters, dialog. I don't recall the details. The dream had plenty to do with the plans I have worked on for the past two weeks.
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Yesterday showed me just a taste of the exhaustion that lay ahead.
So tired.
Other than straight down time, I discovered a method of bringing me back up to speed after prolonged [I need to find a word for this] sessions.
Drawing. Yeah. Drawing.
I have a habit I call "extensive doodling" because I do not think enough of my scribbles to call them artwork. I have a blank canvas in my room called 4 walls which I have previously painted on. However, paints require too much set up and too much clean up.
While doodling with a pen on paper I thought how this would be fun on my wall with a permanent marker. I had such a marker, blue, in my drawer at home. I uncapped it and went to the wall. Just 20 minutes later and I was feeling better.
My blue marker was not. *chuckles*
My mission today is to purchase a 12 pack of permanent markers. Paints are neat and all, but I need a medium that is readily available to me, and as evidenced by the work I'm doing, I'm going to need them often.
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| 20-August-2007, 08:04 |
| Spirit House |
| Public |
| sorcery |
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I have a process. I do not know if there's a name that encompasses this process, but I know it works wonderfully for me and may be of interest to others. The process explains how I plan to carry out my project.
The project: Book of Spirits
I could draw similarities to existing text, but every time I do I think of the long list of ways the two are nothing alike.
The Book of Spirits: A compendium of entities, big and small, their habits, preferences, and abilities. It's the kind of thing that would normally be assembled by someone after they know all this, but my project involves collecting this information. Not from other sources. Not from other people. A compendium of entities I will meet, work with, and come to know.
The process
I don't want to put words to what it could be. The phrase 'astral evocation' sounds pretty though.
I take a moment to get in the game. Deep breathing, calming of the mind, honing of the concentration, blocking out of the world. Popularly known as an opening of a ritual.
I place my self inside an elaborate visualization, using my elaborate imagination if you will. I find a similarity between this state and astral traveling.
Initial steps of the process involve constructing a meeting place. I call this place the Spirit House. For laughs, feel free to think of it as "Nysidra's Home for Etherial Friends." While I may laugh, there's much truth there. How the house will come into play has yet to be seen. I'm still building.
The spot however, works.
While in my state I either have a pen or paper, or sit, eyes closed, with a keyboard under my fingers. I write / type everything that happens: what I sense, see, hear, say, and do. As it happens, everything that happens. I feel 'weird' during this time.
Sometimes, I'm just walking around, looking at the house, adding this, rearranging stuff. I stay for a while, then leave.
Other days, like my current day of note... I had a small boy approach me. He said nothing. He violated my sense of personal space, crawling into my lap even at one point. He grinned and made nonsense noises while I went about my business. He made short questioning replies to the questions I asked him and would not give me his name.
What made the encounter the most unnerving was that on previous visits a woman I identified as "my voice of reason" was there with me when I extended the invitation to "any spirit" and accompanying caveats. She's popularly known as a spirit guide or guardian. I have thought of her as my higher self. Whatever, she's been with me for ages.
She wasn't there when the boy showed up, so I didn't have anyone to say, "It's okay." That was unnerving. More of it to come, no doubt.
The boy's the first unknown. The 'knowns' are the twins and Rock.
... You said you weren't going to talk about your experience, just the process?
Oh. Yeah. Guess I neglected that.
So... process. Meditation + Visualization + Semi-automatic writing
If I type, I print it out and place it in a journal. When I write, I do so directly in the journal.
That's how it is for now.
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| 14-August-2007, 12:24 |
| Nysidra + Entities |
| Public |
| sorcery |
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Idea 2:
Change the way the Nysidra entities operate
I already have names and personalities for the 6 Oani and 36 Sidra.
The point is you like working with entities. You want to perform invocations and evocation that deal with more than just Nysidra. Use Nysidra to access the others. *thinks about that*
No.
Neither the Oani or the Sidra are gods or goddesses. They are neutral blends of elements. Their personalities as such are relatively flat. Their experience is still quite young.
Okay, but the God of War doesn't have a flat personality? Vonia has more personality in her pinky bone than a goddess of fertility. The only thing that causes you to believe that the archetypes of deities are somehow deeper are a little something called Mythology. That's how they get their imaginary fleshiness.
With mythology comes hierachy, and Nysidra does not have that, and I don't want her to have it.
You'd say that the 36 Sidra are the children of Oani?
I would not, but I could.
Siblings aren't enough?
I'm not making up stories. Won't happen. Stories happen or they don't. I'm not fabricating a history that doesn't exist.
Create a present that will become a history then. You've got to get them to interact more.
No. Influences are not personality. A personality is composed of influences.
You're being stubborn.
Indeed I am.
What if the Oani were like demons and the Sidra were like imps that.
Each "imp" would then belong to 2 "demons." Why are you trying to make me fuck with Nysidra? Stop that shit. Seriously. Nysidra takes primary elements and creates secondary elements that include a multitude of correspondences. It is not a patheon. It is not a religion. It's a system. A tool. She's got some life in her, but it's not like that. An elemental construct is not and cannot be equivalent to a deity.
I'll wait till your panties untie themselves.
.
.
.
You use elements like some people use entities. You want to use entities and elements. You do not want these two do be the same. You have no religion. You do not favor any current pantheons, because each one represents some version of a struggle between good and evil. You don't want to play a part in any struggle between good and evil. Stories have interest because there is a protagonist and an antagonist. You use several Sidra together all the time. If you suddenly created a sigil where Nysta has to work with Holugen, and Nysta, in her growing personality says, "Holugen? Fuck that cunt. I'm not working with her." Then you'd be upset. I get it. People who work with deities typically do so with one at a time, or dedicate themselves to a precious few. You work with 6 ~36, and not like an entity.
Which leaves us where?
Name one single entity you like.
Lucifer.
Call the quarters with Nysidra like you have always done. You don't have to invoke Nysidra. That's extra. Invoke people you don't know, like Luke. You don't send invites to a dinner party to people already living at the house.
One note though. Why Lucifer? He's airy, from what I've heard anyway. Aren't you the fire chick?
That would be Satan's playground and I loathe that name. Lucifer is a name so beautiful it transcends all baggage (not that it had much to begin with). The others I've like, but only because, "Oh, that's a neat attribute and name."
Nothing and no one is stopping you from dealing with an entity of ill or favorable repute just because you're not of a certain tradition or pantheon. Why don't you just fucking ask, B? Isn't that always your route? Open up the call lines and leave a message, "Hey, Bianca here, atheist for the most part, Luciferian for the rest. I like you. I'd like to get to know you. I'm just a solitaire girl looking to connect. I like the name others call you by and the things others say you know. Basis for a growing relationship? You contact me. I won't bother you again. Laters. B."
You do me so well.
What's the worse that could happen? You hear nothing back. You get a "bitch, please" in reply?
You know there is worse.
Fear? Say it isn't so!
Smart? Thinking ahead? How revolutionary!
Don't be a puss. That's the best idea we've had.
It does have a certain flavor. I still need to think about it though.
Idea 3. Bagged free, but even Luke can play.
*Listening*
You like spontaneity. Don't call by name
I don't even want to hear the rest of this.
DO NOT interrupt me. This isn't what you think. Specify who you're looking for. Leave out the pantheon, the pronunciation, the shady, muddled, conflicting resources from people who already did the same thing I'm suggesting. Place a personals ad and when you get a reply. Ask for a name. Go on a couple dates. If it doesn't work out. Part ways. If it does, work it. You created Nysidra because you disliked all other existing methods, varied and as broadly accepted as they are. So, why stop? Do you. Create your own bloody Ars Goetia. You have never done something the easy way. Why start now?
Better.
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| 14-August-2007, 09:34 |
| Journal Style - Nysidra - Goetia |
| Public |
| sorcery |
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I finally did the deed and customized my journal a bit. It looks like anything else left to my design: clean, simple, white on black.
I'm not happy about the navigation being at the top (really, you don't know you want to go back a page until you're at the bottom anyway!) or the way the headers of the entry are organized, but I'm not that torn up about it to put style editing back into my short term memory. What I have will suffice.
I want to map the Goetia to Nysidra.
Now that I've said it, perhaps this is one step closer to doing it.
The hardest part about rituals for me has been merging my system Nysidra with my spiritual leanings. Treating the two separately makes for a complex and layered ritual (ESPECIALLY calling quarters). They're more separate than I want them to be and this had held me back from things I long to try.
That being said, there are some things I need to "un map" from Nysidra. Maybe not somethings, but definitely food, okay, and maybe herbs. If I don't deal with it, let someone else with better experience do the mapping. Then again, I worked really hard with herbs and plants. Maybe herbs / plants / food should be one category. I should trash it all. I have *never* used those in ritual. Oils, I did. Oils / herbs could probably be collapsed on each other. This would make better since to me. They're raw materials. Food is an assembly of raw materials, it shouldn't represent the essence of an element.
Yeah. I should do that.
Edited To Add:
Never mind, I can't do it. No matter how much of an affinity I have for Lucifer, dark things, imps, demons and the like there's too much theological bullshit that I enjoy staying away from.
I have a better idea. One I think I've tried to implement before. Must find notes.
Different, but the same. *ponders heavily*
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| 27-June-2007, 09:54 |
| Divination |
| Public |
| sorcery |
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[27-June-07, 10am. I tried to structure these sentences and thoughts coherently, but then I couldn't say what I needed to. So this post originally abandoned both. Consider it a published rough draft.]
Via some paradigm, I have access to knowledge about situations, people, and events.
when you need to do something, you're told to just let go. Not to overthink the process. If you think about it too much, you won't be able to see the forest for the trees.
Divination removes those trees. It removes the 'first voice' the over-thinker.
Divination begins intellectually. There are road signs. You know what the left and right arrows mean.
When you don't know which way to turn, divination throws you a left arrow.
The "skill" in divination is divining whether that's a hard left, soft left, or continue straight ahead with a slight pull left.
These answers, from a "non magical" level, are the true answers. The answer you should know. Somewhere inside you vaguely remember a conversation about some store that was left, and some traffic accident on the right. All that latent information the brain has sucked up since birth comes into play.
You're asking your [insert paradigm here] to pull all that latent information together and tell you what you can't articulate.
What's my paradigm? I actually don't have one. I think 'brain' but I also know there's some gut involved and some intuition, but I'm open to the influence of entities, popular and unpopular to throw in their bets. Whatever. What's the answer? Pragmatist? Totally.
Okay, so you get the 'left' card. Personally, I don't divine in a way that says "Left. Now." Like above, that skill may also say "Anything but left."
How do you know which answer is which? It will come to you. The first thing you think of when you see that card. The first answer you feel. Not like "What the fuck does that mean?" That's the first voice. Shut hir up. Gag her. Be very quiet. The answer you want will come from a place like a subtle cool breeze on a hot day.
However, if and this breeze of awareness are on good terms. You're going to stop divining one day and this will happen.
*standing at a crossroads, unsure of where to go*
Left. Hard left. 2 seconds ago.
That's your goal. Divining puts you in contact with that subtle voice when the answers aren't clear, or when you're dealing with other people. However, in my experience, when you've got a clear line, then that voice is going to start interjecting without symbolic prompts or you're going to start seeing signs and symbols and interpreting on the fly.
Because I see divination in this manner I created Nysidra which only respresents a concept. There's no polarity or reversals because I don't need them. I'll know the moment I need to interpret what the deal is. Like the two times I pulled Vonia (Lust) with Gissy (Innocence). One time I said the person was vanilla with sex, very simple. The next time I said the person was a virgin. The symbols are clues, you're the diviner.
Divination is the process of making friends with your personal oracle. Depending on where you are in life, this oracle is either bound, beaten, and locked away in your basement. Or sitting, quiet and alone in a wheelchair in the attic. Maybe even it's dumbly staring out the window, turning to speak a few words to you on occasion. Maybe the oracle walks lock-step with you through the house looking over your shoulder.
As evidenced by the way I write there are two *distinct* people in the "house" with me. The oracle and the bitch. Some people think their bitch is their oracle. Some people have got some home invasion shit going on where squatters mascaraing as an oracle fill their house with some true bullshit. I think of that as the beginning of madness, when the house gets full of squatters.
Of course, who am I to say, maybe their oracle just went batshit insane one day and figured, "I'm going to get you sucka." *shrugs* I only live in my house and get news reports from the outside of other people's home.
I can take this metaphor another step. Look see.
In the case of the oracle being a hated step-child:
Take the bitch, and duct tape her mouth shut.
Cut off all the distractions in the house. Flip the circuit breaker and cut everything off.
Ask an open-ended question.
Listen, and the oracle may whisper.
Now, when you start divining, ... okay when *I* started divining. It felt *hardcore* like I was making shit up. In fact, my disclaimer was, "I don't what I'm doing. As far as I can tell I'm making this shit up, so do with my information what you want."
I've come to enjoy that feeling. In fact, if I feel like I *know* what I'm talking about, it's probably the bitch throwing her voice.
Of course, if you've got squatters in your house then write the information down. Sit on it, describe how you felt when you got the information. Learn to discern the voices. Recognize them, name them if you need to. Learn who you need to listen to and who you need to tell to "Shut the fuck up."
(Eviction, exorcism? *laughs*)
It is greatly important to have a divination system that vibes with your view of the world. If the popular stuff works for you. Awesome. To be honest, I used the popular stuff and was purely intellectual with it the whole time. I felt like I was speaking in an empty room. When I created my own and worked with it, I felt like I was sitting in my oracle's lap getting whispers in my ear when I think spoke out loud about. Awesome stuff.
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| 22-June-2007, 11:35 |
| Spiritual Atheist |
| Public |
| sorcery |
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How do you believe in entities, but not in deities?
Simple. Deities are entities that won the popularity contest.
They won the contest for a reason.
Yeah, but they are all big-headed and pompous and expect too much for too little. Fuck 'em. I like dealing with the lesser knowns, the peons, the ground level people. Give a little; get a little. Small jobs.
What about Lucifer?
I respect him, but there is no religion involved. If the popularity contest got nasty, he will have my vote.
Why?
If legends hold water and myths become fact, then Lucifer, what that name stands for, gave light and knowledge to humankind. So a little pain comes with the pleasure? Pfft. Sadness makes happiness that much brighter.
Who do you call on when you're in trouble?
Depends on the trouble. If monetary; then someone with money. If knowledge; then a librarian. If love; then a friend. If health; then a doctor. I get the point. I look to myself.
You like the idea of being on your own?
Suits me just fine. I walk alone.
That never sucks?
Or for sure. Sucks mightily. Moods swing. I dry my tears and move on when it passes.
Where do entities come from?
Well... when a mommy entity and a daddy entity love each other very much...
. ._. .
Created in hearts and minds.
Lucifer, being an entity in the top echelon of popularity, is a human creation?
Totally.
So how'd he'd exist before he was created?
Quantum faggotry, of course.
For the record?
Oh. Totally.
God too, I suppose used "quantum faggotry" to create humans before they created him.
Spot on. Like it matters anyway.
These questions don't bother you?
Not even a little. I'm not concerned unless there's an exchange for us to make.
God has plenty to offer, I hear.
Oh? Love? Heaven? *laughs* Friends?! Oh, it's like my very own sorority! *squeal*
No thanks. Not interested. Love. Have it. Heaven. Living it. Friends. Too many breeds drama. Sorority? Fuck no.
How can an occultist not have religion?
Easily. See? *twirls* Of course things are harder. Like you said, they are popular for a good reason. The little guys are harder to work with. Things go wrong. I'm flying solo....
I like it.
The road less traveled?
Pot holes and all.
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| 22-June-2007, 07:08 |
| Evocation |
| Public |
| sorcery |
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This filled my mind in the moments before I fell asleep. My comparison for this subject even caused me to giggle a bit.
Evocation resembles a jail house visit. However, I position myself inside the secured prison and extend the invitation to you. My giggle from last night came from the vision of the entity and I picking up the prison phone from either side of the divider. We have a chat, discuss things. If our discussion gets heated you can pound on the glass and scream at me, but I have a measure of protection.
'Sup.
'Sup. Thanks for coming to see me.
What's up?
I need you to do something for me.
Why the fuck do I care?
Well, if you do this, then I'll give you something in return.
I'll like it?
Surely. It's your favorite.
So? Why don't I slap the shit out of you until you give it to me?
*taps the glass*
Cunt. What do you want me to do?
*explains*
I better like this fucking reward, or you won't sleep right for months.
I appreciate it. When it's done, I'll know it, and I'll call you back and complete our agreement.
Yeah, whatever bitch. See ya.
Peace.
....
I don't like threatening entities. Personally, if you dog me enough, I will find a way to stab you in your neck while you sleep on general principle. So, when I deal with the shadier, slicker, thugs of the entity world I go for the polite but stern route. All business. No bullshit.
I like to imagine that I've created quite the rapport with spiritual denizens. Plus, I've got no business invoking the wrath of a moral archetype I don't like, respect, favor, or ... anything.
Evocation without a divider.
I have done it. Do I recommend it? About the same way I recommend screwing without protection: Know your partner and make your own judgment call. ^_^
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| 21-June-2007, 17:17 |
| Invocation |
| Public |
| sorcery |
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Invocation works somethings like this:
I send you a personal invitation to meet me. You probably haven't met me before, but visiting people is what you do. You hold the position of power here, so you feel comfortable making the visit. In fact, you even leave the visit with something.
You show up and we introduce ourselves. Eat dinner. Have a lovely chat. Depending on how well it goes, I lead you to the bedroom and we get seriously intimate.
.....
Have you ever experienced a close relationship with another person? You pick up some of their colloquialisms. You pick up some habits, some tastes, some dislikes, some pet peeves. If you sleep with them, you form a bond, you start to sync up. Trust, vulnerability, flaws, these concepts come into play.
Do you ever just call up a random person, invite him/her into your home and compress years of a human relationship down to one night?
Then again, archetypes have a fairly firm rule base. Humans. *laughs* Nope!
I perform an invocation with the expectation that intimacy, sharing, and vulnerability will play a part. Whatever I invite into my "home" will rub off on me. The more I invoke, the more I will absorb.
Invoke Responsibly
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